I have bills. Phone bills. Internet bills. But I don't have an income. And I'm shitty with my money.
When I get money, yes, I'm good about paying my bills. But in my perfect world, I'd spend all my money on my friends.
I don't give a shit about money. It ruins people. I hate when people say they can't go out and do something because it costs too much. Especially when it's a person I know has a good job. I have no job, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure I can go out and have a good time with my friends. And if it costs me my last dollar, so be it.
Telus is expecting $90 dollars from me tomorrow. Guess what. Last time I checked, I had 52 cents in my bank account. Sorry, Telus, looks like you're going to have to shut off my phone.
I always have this perfect scenario play out in my head, one that I am determined to make happen, but one that leaves me with no money for an extended amount of time. See, I'm taking a trip in the middle of November. I justify not going out to look for a job before then because it wouldn't make sense, nor would it be appealing to an employer, for me to say, "Hey, hire me! Oh, and by the way, I'm going to need two weeks off right away." So my plan is to wait until I get back, make an effort to find a job, once I have that job to begin my TESOL course, work to pay off my approximately $6000 debt (which is peanuts compared to a lot of people I know), and by the time I'm done my course, I've paid my debt, maybe saved up some coin, and I can fuck off to another part of the world. God didn't put me on this earth to work a boring job just so I can save up to buy a house to work to afford my car to drive to work to pay for my house and car.
Listen: I do not want a house.
Listen: I do not want a wife.
Listen: I do not want children.
What I want is to go out and teach, make a person's life better, grow as a person, learn, experience different cultures, eat weird foods, expand my horizons, make new friends, look at a different set of stars. I was put on this earth to make a difference, and I've done a piss poor job of doing it here, so I might as well try my luck across the world.
It's wise to learn to want what you have, but just because you think you can't have something doesn't mean you don't want it.
ReplyDeleteYou've made a lot of difference in people's lives. Some of us could be envious.
I'm not saying 'don't do it' or that it's a bad goal, but the way you write it, it sounds more like process of elimination. It could just be because I've never felt that way myself, that I don't know what real wanderlust sounds like.
I do know some of those other feelings, though. I, too, have failed to help people I've wished to help. Building a fortune - whether it be a home, a career, a family - to me is just building up power to help others. Including those who become part of that fortune. The process is not fast - nor incredibly fun at the moment - but it is somewhat rewarding, and I have some reasonable faith that greater rewards lie ahead. It's been a long road already; many of my past and present troubles can be traced partly to the challenge of traveling so far alone.
My fear is that pride gets in your way. Pride keeps you from simply cancelling your phone or internet, from seeking or doing a job you don't care for, from imagining any future you will need help to realize.
Will you please tell me that I am wrong?
I'll tell you you're wrong for $90. :)
ReplyDeletePride doesn't keep me from cancelling those things, Tom. I need my phone for my job. People need to be able to reach me 24/7.
I don't know that it's pride that keeps me from cancelling interwebs either. I just want to have it.
Pride does keep me from working shift work at a fast food place. No doubt. I will never do that because I am better than that. Done. Combine that with my knowledge that I'm a good worker and that any company would be lucky to have me, I know that I don't have to apply for those lousy jobs.
Pride doesn't keep me from asking for help from my friends and family. I do it all the time. You know personally that I've had to ask for loans from friends from time to time. (I'm joking with the first sentence of this response, but I'm not joking at all.)
I know that I need help realising my future. Rest assured on that front, Tom, that I am in no way doing this on my own.