Better People

I get that I come across wrong. I want to.
I don't want to be understood, anticipated, or expected. I don't want to be predictable.
I am easygoing. I see the big picture.
So when I give advice, it's know it's hard to not come across as condescending. Honestly, when I give advice, it's usually to condescend to someone.
Which leaves me in a difficult position. I want people to take what I say as the gospel truth. Fact is, I know better than you. However, I want people to be as easygoing as I am, to have the freedom to tell a person to fuck off.
I think the best case scenario for those situations is that a person will listen to what I have to say. I may be condescending, but I'm right.
Second best case scenario is that the person just laughs me off and says "Buh, whatever. Don't care." That way, even though you're not listening to me, you're seeing the big picture, which is that a person should live their life for themselves. That's not a selfish thing to do, not if you're me. Some people will associate a person living their life for themselves as being inconsiderate of others. Those people are shallow, misguided, and probably a little bit retarded. Have you ever given gifts to someone? Christmas time? Birthday? Just because? And doesn't that feel good? Don't you want to keep giving yourself the pleasure of pleasing other people?
I'm getting away from myself.
What I most certainly do not want a person to do is fly off the handle and get offended. Listen, if I didn't like you, I just wouldn't talk to you. So if I'm talking to you, we're friends. I want you to be better.
I will never stop correcting people when they say or spell something incorrectly. I know a couple of people, jacks of all trades, master of none. I'm a 6, 7 tops, at the best thing I know, which is language, so I am going to hold on to that with all my might. I realise I misspeak, I misspell, I use improper syntax. But when push comes to shove, and I'm sober, I can be one eloquent son of a bitch. I can write like a man possessed (when so possessed).
So get off your fucking high horse and either listen to me, because I have your best interests at heart, you ungrateful sniveling masses, or just laugh me off, tell me to fuck off, because what I'm saying is just going in one ear and out the other, water off a duck's back, and you're not going to change because you don't care to.