Not Even A Blip

Tonight I realised a succinct way of putting into words how I feel towards many people I've dealt with in my life.
I'm not on your radar.
I guess it kind of goes hand in hand with my acceptance of my ugliness. It's not that I think I'm horrible looking. I'm not. But I know where I am on the 1-10 scale. And when I meet up with a person that, for a long time, I used to try to impress and to whom I would attempt to appear attractive (sexually or otherwise), I no longer care.
Does that make me a hipster, but in a pure sense of the word? So be it. I'm over you. And thank God, too, because who in their right mind wants to live their life by someone else's standards? I don't need to follow someone when they get up and leave the room, in the hopes that they want to talk. I don't need to act, dress, or behave in a certain way because it will make me cool in someone's eyes, and particularly when I see these people so infrequently.
It's less of a "Fuck you, because you hurt my feelings/(so-called) masculinity/ego" than a "Fuck you, I don't have to play by your rules."
God, it's freeing, knowing that someone you used to go out of your way to see is beyond you. It's freeing seeing someone and realising that you no longer care whether that person thinks you're cool or if they even think about you at all. It's freeing knowing that I have people in my life that, despite my many flaws, care for me and think I'm worth hanging out with; that when they try to get me to do something differently, they're not doing it to stroke their ego ("Let's see what I can get Creaky to do for me this time,") but to make me a better person.
And it's freeing knowing that those people I used to try to impress are exactly the same people they've been for years, and that I have no desire to be on their radar any longer.